btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
