i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i out mim tonsoeep
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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