Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
