Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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