After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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