Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
