I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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