i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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