he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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