i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
