Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
