At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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