I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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