So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So many bounce houses so little time
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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