Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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