Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
