your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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