You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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