I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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