The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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