he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
