Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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