Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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