How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
