I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
