hotel room ftw
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
MIDGETS
????
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
