Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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