I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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