Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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