Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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