ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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