I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
