You can't special order awesome
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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