I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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