We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's shark week go big or go home
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
