Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
