just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Randomize
