I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Someone came in the potted fern
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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