You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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