just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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