We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
