I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
All the doctor said was why
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
