the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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