in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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