Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
