my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
