just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
