bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
