apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
