Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
