so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
