He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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