You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
