He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
