Operation Purity has been aborted
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
