How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
