Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
"it" just moved
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
