If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
